Time to own up - sometimes I like playing mindless games on Facebook, it's a good way to spend a gloomy Sunday afternoon when you're too lethargic to read. But I would never have thought that one of those mindless games would indirectly trigger a flashback, this was quite a big surprise!
In one of the games, you can furnish a house and "work" to earn more money, and when I saw that there was a whole selection of 1950s furniture available I decided to get these for my house in the game. It was fun and brought back some of the klimat I'd been missing so much; one can really get used to those flashbacks and enjoy them very much!
That night I was teaching Spanish for adults again, and when I half rose from my chair to push it a little towards the table, I had this flashback, probably induced by playing around with those 1950s items in the game.
Maksim and a few friends from work (among them Vadim and two other truck drivers, a Kazakh whose name I don't know and "Handsome Vanya") are sitting in the lobby of a relatively new public building, equipped with low tables made of some dark wood and armchairs a bit like this one.
Perhaps the building is new, or it has been newly furnished; it could be the House of Culture or a kind of workers' club. Whatever it is, Maksim thinks it looks great with all this wonderful modern furniture and the wall mosaic; I think the mosaic shows a landscape or historical scenes, but in a more refined style instead of the usual "Socialist Realism". (How I wish that there was a way of recording klimat! I can feel it so clearly as I write, wish I could make it accessible to you, too!)
There is a metal ashtray on the table the friends are sitting around; they are laughing and joking and one of them is fiddling around with a newspaper. I don't know if there was anything important in the newspaper that day, or if he was just carrying it with him to read it at home...
It must be a warm but not hot day, perhaps in late spring, as they are all wearing plain checkered summer shirts.
Maksim, lounging in his armchair, makes a joke; I can't "hear" what Vanya, the target of the joke, replies, but Maksim half rises from his chair and pretends to grasp Vanya by his dark curly hair, threatening to kiss him while the others also start laughing.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Radio flashback
During the last few days I've had several flashbacks, but most of them were just glimpses with nothing happening. This one isn't that significant either, but since there is some "action" in it I wanted to post it.
Maksim and his family are visiting Lyoshka like they often do on Sundays. It is the beginning of winter, not really cold yet but beginning to snow.
As they enter the corridor of Lyoshka's house (an art nouveau-style house from the turn of the century, elegant then but a bit down at heel now though still inhabitable) Maksim notes how nice it is to come in from the still-damp cold, and he enjoys the heat radiating through his body as he stomps the snow off his boots in the entrance.
Just as Vadim lifts his hand to knock, Lyoshka opens the door of his flat. Vadim laughs and asks: "How did you know we were here?" and Lyoshka replies: "How could I not notice, with your brother-in-law stamping like a mammoth in the corridor?" Vadim laughs even louder and pats Lyoshka on the back while Maksim throws his right mitten at him.
Lyoshka asks them to come in and guides them into the small living-room; Maksim notices the delicious smell of the dishes that Lyoshka (an excellent and passionate cook) has prepared for them. It reminds him of the time when Lyoshka lived with them, after he had been released from the GULAG - when he was better, he used to cook and do the housework to give something back to his friends and repay their kindness.
They sit down and start to eat, and since they are a bit late and their favourite programme is about to begin, Lyoshka switches on the radio directly. The first song they hear after the valves of the radio have heated up sufficiently is one sung by a woman, and little Belyanka, then about six, spontaneously presses her cheek against the soft fabric covering the loudspeaker, carefully hugs the radio and exclaims "Oh! That's my favourite song!" The three adults look at each other and smile...
Maksim and his family are visiting Lyoshka like they often do on Sundays. It is the beginning of winter, not really cold yet but beginning to snow.
As they enter the corridor of Lyoshka's house (an art nouveau-style house from the turn of the century, elegant then but a bit down at heel now though still inhabitable) Maksim notes how nice it is to come in from the still-damp cold, and he enjoys the heat radiating through his body as he stomps the snow off his boots in the entrance.
Just as Vadim lifts his hand to knock, Lyoshka opens the door of his flat. Vadim laughs and asks: "How did you know we were here?" and Lyoshka replies: "How could I not notice, with your brother-in-law stamping like a mammoth in the corridor?" Vadim laughs even louder and pats Lyoshka on the back while Maksim throws his right mitten at him.
Lyoshka asks them to come in and guides them into the small living-room; Maksim notices the delicious smell of the dishes that Lyoshka (an excellent and passionate cook) has prepared for them. It reminds him of the time when Lyoshka lived with them, after he had been released from the GULAG - when he was better, he used to cook and do the housework to give something back to his friends and repay their kindness.
They sit down and start to eat, and since they are a bit late and their favourite programme is about to begin, Lyoshka switches on the radio directly. The first song they hear after the valves of the radio have heated up sufficiently is one sung by a woman, and little Belyanka, then about six, spontaneously presses her cheek against the soft fabric covering the loudspeaker, carefully hugs the radio and exclaims "Oh! That's my favourite song!" The three adults look at each other and smile...
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Waiting around to die
The title for this entry was inspired by Townes van Zandt's great song "Waiting Around To Die" - not that the contents of the song have anything to do with the memory I am about to record, the title of the song just got stuck in my head. I love Townes van Zandt's music, even though it is like sandpaper for the soul at times...but I can see where he is coming from, having had my own experience with major depression in the past. Anyway, back on topic!
My dear friend who has always been so helpful in the past sent me a Christmas present that brought back the following memory; it was a model of the Warszawa 200, the Polish version of the GAZ-M20 Pobeda. As I held the model car in my hand, turning it this way and that, I had a flashback of Maksim stomping across the dusty factory yard in early summer, turning back over his shoulder, heatedly arguing with someone. The other person says something I can't "hear", to which Maksim makes a very rude and probably anatomically impossible suggestion. As he has now reached the GAZ-M20 he is to drive that day, he opens the door, sits down on the driver's seat and slams the door shut. As the other person is still shouting something at him, Maksim rolls up the window despite the heat and says something, possibly "Sod off, I can't hear you anyway". Then he violently slams the car into reverse gear, grimly rejoicing as the gears grind and irrationally thinking "That serves you right". He steps on the gas, reverses with more speed than necessary, then he changes gear and floors the accelerator again, still irritated and angry. I suppose this loss of self-control was what cost him his life, perhaps it was responsible for him mixing up the brake and the accelerator when someone suddenly stepped into his path, and slamming into a brick wall. It was an unnecessary death, but perhaps it was meant to happen for some reason...we will never know!
Edit: When I saw Maksim changing gears, I clearly visualised a stick shift on the steering column, left hand side. A photo in the magazine that came with the car confirmed that - can't thank you enough, my friend, as usual, your gift has been very helpful!
My dear friend who has always been so helpful in the past sent me a Christmas present that brought back the following memory; it was a model of the Warszawa 200, the Polish version of the GAZ-M20 Pobeda. As I held the model car in my hand, turning it this way and that, I had a flashback of Maksim stomping across the dusty factory yard in early summer, turning back over his shoulder, heatedly arguing with someone. The other person says something I can't "hear", to which Maksim makes a very rude and probably anatomically impossible suggestion. As he has now reached the GAZ-M20 he is to drive that day, he opens the door, sits down on the driver's seat and slams the door shut. As the other person is still shouting something at him, Maksim rolls up the window despite the heat and says something, possibly "Sod off, I can't hear you anyway". Then he violently slams the car into reverse gear, grimly rejoicing as the gears grind and irrationally thinking "That serves you right". He steps on the gas, reverses with more speed than necessary, then he changes gear and floors the accelerator again, still irritated and angry. I suppose this loss of self-control was what cost him his life, perhaps it was responsible for him mixing up the brake and the accelerator when someone suddenly stepped into his path, and slamming into a brick wall. It was an unnecessary death, but perhaps it was meant to happen for some reason...we will never know!
Edit: When I saw Maksim changing gears, I clearly visualised a stick shift on the steering column, left hand side. A photo in the magazine that came with the car confirmed that - can't thank you enough, my friend, as usual, your gift has been very helpful!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
A present for Yurochka
This flashback came to me as I was wrapping a present for a Russian friend; I put the items in a box and stuffed balled-up old newspapers around them for padding. Just as I was doing that, boom! Flashback!
Maksim is sitting at the kitchen table; it is snowing outside, but inside it is nice and warm, and he is happy. A wooden box is standing in front of him, and he is putting some things into it, New Year presents for his friend Yurochka, who won't be able to come home for New Year this time. This makes Maksim sad, as he had looked forward to seeing his friend again; however, nothing can be done about it, so he and his family decided to send Yurochka a box with presents. In order to save postage and make things easier, everyone who wanted to send something to Yurochka have given their presents to Maksim, who has taken it upon him to do the packing and sending.
I think he is using wood shavings as padding, not old newspapers, which had to be collected and handed in if you wanted to buy any really good books. Perhaps wood shavings were easier to get...
Maksim is humming a song as he packs the presents, longingly thinking of his friend. But it cheers him up that Yurochka will like the surprise, and that the gifts will show him that his friends and relatives are thinking of him at home...
Maksim is sitting at the kitchen table; it is snowing outside, but inside it is nice and warm, and he is happy. A wooden box is standing in front of him, and he is putting some things into it, New Year presents for his friend Yurochka, who won't be able to come home for New Year this time. This makes Maksim sad, as he had looked forward to seeing his friend again; however, nothing can be done about it, so he and his family decided to send Yurochka a box with presents. In order to save postage and make things easier, everyone who wanted to send something to Yurochka have given their presents to Maksim, who has taken it upon him to do the packing and sending.
I think he is using wood shavings as padding, not old newspapers, which had to be collected and handed in if you wanted to buy any really good books. Perhaps wood shavings were easier to get...
Maksim is humming a song as he packs the presents, longingly thinking of his friend. But it cheers him up that Yurochka will like the surprise, and that the gifts will show him that his friends and relatives are thinking of him at home...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Deathwatch
This flashback came to me out of the blue as I was driving to my Polish lesson; I was glad about the lesson being immediately afterwards, as the flashback was very intense and emotionally taxing! I don't know what prompted this flashback, or if it randomly appeared...
It is a short time after Maksim's death; he has been washed, combed and dressed into his best suit and laid out on his bed by Natasha, who is now sitting by the bed, stroking her brother's face and hair and crying bitterly. I think her hair is covered with a black veil or headscarf, and she is holding a balled-up handkerchief in her free hand with which she occasionally wipes away the tears from her face.
Maksim's body is covered with a white sheet up to his chest, about the height of his folded hands. I can't clearly "see" what is in his hands, either a small icon or cross. He and his family were not very religious, but there were certain things you just did, out of respect for the deceased and the higher powers-that-be - placing a sacred object in the hands of a corpse was one of them. There could be coins on his closed eyelids, but I'm not entirely sure about that.
Suddenly the door, which had been ajar, is pushed gently open, and Vadim peeks in. He, too, looks as if he has cried a lot lately, he is pale and looking very sad. Close behind him is Belyanka, then about fourteen, holding her father's hand and looking shaken and scared.
Vadim's voice is husky as he says something, two words, the last of which is "телеграмму" (telegraph) - I suppose he is telling Natasha that he sent a telegraph to Moscow, to Maksim's best friend Yurochka.
Vadim bends forward, puts his free hand on Natasha's shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze, then he brushes a strand of hair out of her face and says something I can't understand, softly and gently.
I cried myself when I had this vision; not for Maksim, who was past all pains and worries for the time being, but for his little family and their pain and sadness about the unexpected loss. I only hope nobody had a guilty conscience because Maksim's injuries from the accident had seemed so harmless that nobody thought about taking him to hospital - nobody could have known that he would die in his sleep, of a subdural hemorrhage!
It is a short time after Maksim's death; he has been washed, combed and dressed into his best suit and laid out on his bed by Natasha, who is now sitting by the bed, stroking her brother's face and hair and crying bitterly. I think her hair is covered with a black veil or headscarf, and she is holding a balled-up handkerchief in her free hand with which she occasionally wipes away the tears from her face.
Maksim's body is covered with a white sheet up to his chest, about the height of his folded hands. I can't clearly "see" what is in his hands, either a small icon or cross. He and his family were not very religious, but there were certain things you just did, out of respect for the deceased and the higher powers-that-be - placing a sacred object in the hands of a corpse was one of them. There could be coins on his closed eyelids, but I'm not entirely sure about that.
Suddenly the door, which had been ajar, is pushed gently open, and Vadim peeks in. He, too, looks as if he has cried a lot lately, he is pale and looking very sad. Close behind him is Belyanka, then about fourteen, holding her father's hand and looking shaken and scared.
Vadim's voice is husky as he says something, two words, the last of which is "телеграмму" (telegraph) - I suppose he is telling Natasha that he sent a telegraph to Moscow, to Maksim's best friend Yurochka.
Vadim bends forward, puts his free hand on Natasha's shoulder and gives it a reassuring squeeze, then he brushes a strand of hair out of her face and says something I can't understand, softly and gently.
I cried myself when I had this vision; not for Maksim, who was past all pains and worries for the time being, but for his little family and their pain and sadness about the unexpected loss. I only hope nobody had a guilty conscience because Maksim's injuries from the accident had seemed so harmless that nobody thought about taking him to hospital - nobody could have known that he would die in his sleep, of a subdural hemorrhage!
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Que tu as la maison douce, giroflé, girofla...
Woke up this morning with "Giroflé, girofla" by Yves Montand playing in my head. It was strange because it came out of the blue, I'd last heard the song at least five years ago. That's why I thought its sudden reappearance must have some significance. So I googled "Yves Montand Soviet Union" and came across this interesting passage (from IMDB):
"Toured as a jazz singer in the Soviet Union in 1956 and in 1963, and met with Nikita Khrushchev. Became critical of the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1968, then made a movie about socialist dictatorship."
Perhaps Maksim listened to one of Montand's concerts on the radio; if the announcer hadn't translated the lyrics, Lyoshka would have been able to do that for Maksim and his friends. Perhaps one of the songs that were performed was "Giroflé, girofla"...
"Toured as a jazz singer in the Soviet Union in 1956 and in 1963, and met with Nikita Khrushchev. Became critical of the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia in 1968, then made a movie about socialist dictatorship."
Perhaps Maksim listened to one of Montand's concerts on the radio; if the announcer hadn't translated the lyrics, Lyoshka would have been able to do that for Maksim and his friends. Perhaps one of the songs that were performed was "Giroflé, girofla"...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Saying hello to Vadim
This flashback came to me when I discovered there was a hole in my exhaust pipe and I wondered if I'd be able to mend it without a pit or hydraulic ramp. (Haven't found the hole yet since it was too dark, tomorrow morning will be a better time for such tasks.)
In the flashback, Maksim is wandering across the factory grounds; he isn't due for a delivery yet, maybe there has been a delay or he arrived abit earlier. He strays into the workshop, where Vadim (now I definitely know that he worked as a mechanic in the factory Maksim drove for) is standing in a pit, banging away at the front brake of a smaller truck with a hammer. The tiles in the workshop are a grubby beige, and it smells of oil, brake fluid and antifreeze, a smell Maksim has come to love because he loves his job so much.
Vadim can't hear him as he is banging at the brake and swearing because it won't come off, and Maksim grins to himself at Vadim's choice of words, thinking that Natasha would give him one of her hard looks if she heard him. But of course there are tasks that require a lot of swearing, and trying to loosen a stuck brake definitely is one of them!
Maksim tiptoes to the pit, picking up a heavy screw-nut that is lying around, grimy with oil and dust. He drops the screw-nut behind Vadim's back; it hits the ground with a loud "plonk" and Maksim jumps back, yelling "Watch out! It's coming down!" Vadim jumps, dropping the hammer, and as he sees his brother-in-law the startled look in his face turns into a mock scowl. He growls "You prick, you nearly scared me to death", then scrunches up an oily rag that is lying at the edge of the pit (he has used it to wipe his oily hands) and throws it at Maksim. He climbs out of the pit, saying "I should have know that it was you by the stink", the he pats Maksim on the back and says something else I can't "hear".
In the flashback, Maksim is wandering across the factory grounds; he isn't due for a delivery yet, maybe there has been a delay or he arrived abit earlier. He strays into the workshop, where Vadim (now I definitely know that he worked as a mechanic in the factory Maksim drove for) is standing in a pit, banging away at the front brake of a smaller truck with a hammer. The tiles in the workshop are a grubby beige, and it smells of oil, brake fluid and antifreeze, a smell Maksim has come to love because he loves his job so much.
Vadim can't hear him as he is banging at the brake and swearing because it won't come off, and Maksim grins to himself at Vadim's choice of words, thinking that Natasha would give him one of her hard looks if she heard him. But of course there are tasks that require a lot of swearing, and trying to loosen a stuck brake definitely is one of them!
Maksim tiptoes to the pit, picking up a heavy screw-nut that is lying around, grimy with oil and dust. He drops the screw-nut behind Vadim's back; it hits the ground with a loud "plonk" and Maksim jumps back, yelling "Watch out! It's coming down!" Vadim jumps, dropping the hammer, and as he sees his brother-in-law the startled look in his face turns into a mock scowl. He growls "You prick, you nearly scared me to death", then scrunches up an oily rag that is lying at the edge of the pit (he has used it to wipe his oily hands) and throws it at Maksim. He climbs out of the pit, saying "I should have know that it was you by the stink", the he pats Maksim on the back and says something else I can't "hear".
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